I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
