This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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