Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
