I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
