i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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