Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
