I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
