Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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