Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize