Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
