Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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