she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
