U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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