We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
