They should really pass out barf bags in church
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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