I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
