went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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