good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
