probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
