i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
