dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
