Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize