is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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