Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
