just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
