I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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