I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
