Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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