Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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