There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
