I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
