So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
