$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
