Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
