Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
