Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
