Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize