Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she was so not down for the gang bang
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
