She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
