i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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