I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
