Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
