so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize