You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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