My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
