u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
did you just send me my own nude
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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