at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
