dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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