The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
