I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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