I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize