just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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