onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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