Im at strip club and am horny
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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