Who wears a wallet chain?!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
