Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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