saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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