I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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