im having a threesome with these popsicles
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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