you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this just has baby written all over it
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
