oh god the rape fog is back!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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