its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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