I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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