You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
