Will you blow on my dice?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
