Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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