Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
