i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
