I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
