So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
