I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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