If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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