I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
