just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize