you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
