the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize