Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
