So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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