she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize