I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
