I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize