Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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