Already got asked if we're dating
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
