I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
