But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Randomize
