I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
