That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize