Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
