I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
