i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
