I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
