But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
