Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
