That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the condom got lost in my hair
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
