it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
