I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize