yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
